Notes “It Takes 2 to Communicate”

Summary

Good communication is the basis for a successful marriage
When couples disagree and argue, knowing when and how to communicate can be the difference between success and failure in your relationship
Good communication is also non verbal

Find Ways to Increase Fondness for One Another

Providing loving attention to your spouse, being aware of what is important to them and positive body language can have a profound impact on your partner
Participate in social or work activities that your partner enjoys

Start a Conversation Calmly

Starting a discussion upset and angry, puts your partner on the defense
Avoid being critical or defensive, you’re trying to come to a solution. Keep yourselves on the positive side of the emotions
Rather than attacking each other by saying “You did this” or “You did that”, talk calmly in the “I” language in terms of how you feel in response to something you don’t like. For example, “ I feel like ...” or “I think that ...” It makes a big difference

Listen Calmly

The person who listens is one who calmly listens, takes in the information and then responds
The basis of dealing with conflicts is to have patience and stay calm. Consider and think before one speaks and acts
Think of what would be pleasing to Allah. Think of a response that will be beneficial in this life and in the Hereafter

REALLY IMPORTANT - Repair Attempts

A repair attempt can be defined as “any effort on the part of both partners to reach out to each other in a time of conflict or disagreement”
It is a word or an action that can help defuse the tension between you and reminds both of you of what is important in your marriage
A repair attempt can be verbal or non-verbal
Practical examples of repair attempts can be a smile, a silly face, a hug, a touch or a joke
It lightens the atmosphere and allows both of you to focus more calmly

Have a Game Plan for Fights

Negative speech can deeply wound our partners. To avoid hurting your partner, the most important strategies are controlling your anger and having a strategy in place for when disagreements happen
Once you have a game plan in place and both partners are aware of each others needs, when a disagreement happens you know how to handle it
Don’t look to prove your partner wrong and win your point, find a solution that makes your relationship the winner

Resources

"The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work"

"Crucial Conversations Tools for When the Stakes are High"