Notes “Domestic Violence”

Summary

Abuse is the use of power by one individual over another whether it is emotional, physical or sexual

Harm Caused to the Abused

Violence creates fear in the victim and it reduces and erodes there feeling of self-worth and self-esteem
If the victim does not say anything to anyone else and tries to hide it, they start to believe that it is okay and that they deserve it
It suppresses the victim and destroys them. Physical and sexual abuse can kill them
Emotional abuse can also lead to self-harming behavior or suicide
Children are deeply affected by abuse and boys who witness abuse at home, are twice as likely to commit violence against there own spouses and children when they grow up
Children might not feel secure when they see abuse at home and they either become violent themselves or develop other issues in time

Harm Caused to the Abuser

Whatever compliance the abuser achieves is totally based power and power imbalance. The moment that power dynamic is removed the abuser realizes that there is no authentic connection between you and your partner
If a man has to rely on his anger and neglect to get what he wants, he is a very insecure individual and is accumulating a ton of shame
It may appear that the abuser is not being affected but there are deep emotional wounds that are occur within the perpetrator of the abuse as well
Boys who witness abuse at home, are twice as likely to commit violence against there own spouses and children when they grow up

The Prophetic Standard

The Prophet (pbuh) never struck any of his spouses, children or any animals
The Prophet (pbuh) clearly stated that there is no causing harm or reciprocating harm. From this well known statement of the Prophet, Muslim jurists have deduced that any action whose consequence leads to harm is not permitted
Zero domestic violence was a clear example and tradition (sunnah) of the Prophet `alayhis salaam
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani mentioned “The human heart is the most precious thing to God on Earth and breaking another’s heart, is the of the worst thing one can do in life”

Breaking the Cycle

To break the cycle of domestic violence, both the abuser and the victim need to seek outside help
A victim cannot end abuse themselves. First, admit there is a problem in your marriage and there is violence
The next step is to break your silence and tell someone whom you trust about what is going on
There are a lot of social services to help deal with abuse. You can turn to a family member, your religious community or a social services organization so they can help you to regain your identity, to begin to feel safe and to have strategies to maintain that sense of safety
The abuser needs to learn how to deal with overwhelming feelings of anger and insecurities and how to deal with them in a way where it does not harm anyone
The abuser can learn new skills to express his/her needs desires or wishes. They can learn how to have a voice and to feel valued without having to resort to violence